Fatherhood.
I remember the day David was born and the times that followed. I wasn't sure I would be a good father but I wanted to be. I didn't have much practice and the little guy seemed so fragile. After having him around for a few days I discovered something wonderful. I could make him smile. It was so easy - all I had to do was connect my eyes to his and smile and in return a big giant gummy grin was my reward. It was soooo cool!!! I was able to do it again and again and it was like drugs. It felt great and I couldn't get enough. I had to keep going back for more I was so addicted. After some time passed I noticed that just connecting the eyes no longer worked. I had to start doing goofy faces or make goofy noises but if I tried the smile would come. As time passed I had to work harder and harder at it and in time I had to start doing things like giving him toys or playing with him and his toys. But if I worked at it I would get my reward. As more time passed, greater effort or greater expense had to be incurred to get the smile but if I worked at it hard enough the smile would come. Of course he grew up to be an adult and with each passing year it was harder and more expensive to get that smile but it always came. The bonding from these smiles was incredible. When Frank came into the picture I discovered it worked with him too. Make a goofy face - get a smile. but he too started to grow older and greater efforts were needed in each passing year to get the same result.

Both David and Frank are in college now. They are in a happy place and as a result they smile all the time. At least I know they are smiling cause when I see them I can see how happy they are. Sending them to college was the thing I needed to do to get them to smile. And just as it has always been, greater efforts and greater costs were needed to get the smile up. I have never minded the greater efforts. The effort I needed to do for the smile became a challenge to me and I would never change any of the things I needed to do to make them happy.

The sad part is that here I am making my greatest effort and greatest expense and I know they are smiling but I can't get to see the smiles except for holidays and weekends when they come home. I have been cut off from my addiction and now get my fix only on the occasional day. I don't regret the effort but I can't help but note and observe the irony of the situation. Life sure is funny.

Anyway with the house empty it's easier to keep clean. There are some advantages to the empty nest but they pale in comparison.

This is just a random thought from a loving father. Time for lunch.